


fill me in, there are spaces here

by dinosuns



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Belonging, Developing Friendships, Family Bonding, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Late Night Conversations, Missing Scene, POV Matt Holt, POV Outsider, Reunions, Season/Series 04, it's what they deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 21:44:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosuns/pseuds/dinosuns
Summary: “Keith should be here,” he says, more to himself than to Pidge.There’s an absence, the same absence that has been pointedly unacknowledged to his surprise. Pidge never avoids things like this unless she’s upset.“What happened, Pidge?”Matt gets a tour of the Castle of Lions, and soon discovers something is missing.





	fill me in, there are spaces here

**Author's Note:**

> a look at Pidge and Keith through the eyes of Matt on his return. Hope you like this, I really enjoyed this.

In the arena where Shiro swung, selfless and brave, the pain had been more agonising in Matt's heart than his leg. Pieces of his soul splintered since then, shrivelled up into shards that scattered amidst the stars. Parts of him died, too. With the rebels, things didn’t heal. But those pieces were no longer missed or mourned. What remained was rekindled tenfold.

And he is truly born again when faced with an impossible miracle. Amongst the horrors of the battlefield, something beautiful pushes through in the form of his fiercest love. For him, for their family, for the universe.

Katie Holt, in his arms and collapsing with relief against his chest. In the hazy aftermath of their fight, they drop to the ground, frantic words exchanged until they run out of air. To be missing, and to be missed. In the silence, Matt had held Pidge close. Just for a moment, he sees the hope the rebels try to embrace each and every day. And it’s blinding, completely staggering in its endurance.

He sees it in his little sister, rattling the stars and blazing brighter than he’s ever seen.

* * *

The Castle of lions is as majestic as it is technologically-astounding. Pidge is adamant on giving Matt a detailed thorough tour of the entire place. Excitement thrums beneath his veins at the prospect of seeing and learning more. Pidge tugs on his wrist, practically dragging him forwards.

They blitz through the training deck where the gladiator lands a particularly good strike on his hip, trail the plethora of rooms full of unopened boxes. But the man with the orange moustache insists they don’t touch them. It’s the most serious Matt has seen the eccentric man yet, so he swiftly follows Pidge down hallway after hallway.

As they walk, Pidge regurgitates her adventures. She speaks so fast Matt almost struggles to keep up. But keeping each other on their toes is something they were always good at. Matt listens, occasionally chipping in to ask a question whilst observing the castle around them. Despite her enthusiasm, the giddy bounce in her step, Matt notices there are clear omissions to her stories.

Something is missing.  

The more Matt thinks about what, the closer he thinks he gets. Considering how absurd it is Pidge and her friends from class are in space, it’s somehow even more absurd that someone else from the Garrison _isn’t_ here. Because when Matt thinks about the unyielding devotion that resides in his sister, the way she looks at him as if he hung the moon in the sky himself, it’s a reminder.

Of eyes, much sharper but no less passionate and swathed in reverence against the light of the orange sun.

On the evening before the launch, Matt had been surrounded by his family. Together they visited the site, took photographs and bid their farewells. In comparison, Shiro had just one person by his side. They stood mostly in companionable quiet, but the depth of their bond never escaped his notice.

If Pidge threw herself into the jaws of the universe for her family, then Keith would have torn it apart with his bare hands for Shiro. To find him, to make sure he was safe. No almighty force could stand in Keith’s way when he resolved himself to something. Even just hovering on the outskirts of his orbit, Matt had glimpsed a greatness that evaded description.

“Keith should be here,” he says, more to himself than to Pidge.

He must be on the mark, because his sister’s demeanour shifts. That spurs him on, because now he’s really taking a moment to process it all, the story feels incomplete.

There’s an absence, the same absence that has been pointedly unacknowledged to his surprise. Pidge never avoids things like this unless she’s upset.

“What happened, Pidge?” he clenches a fist tight.

If the Kerberos Mission set Pidge’s world into turmoil, then Keith’s would have been just as shattered. It stirs a low throbbing sting in his bones, just to think about it. Unlike Pidge, Keith had nobody to mourn with. His past had not been public knowledge, but Matt knew Shiro. And before the mission, Keith had become such an intrinsic and natural extension of Shiro’s presence. The hotshot orphan with enough talent to do so much more than break simulator records in his first week.

Even before the Galra attacked, Keith had been there with them. Whether Shiro was making offhand remarks about how Keith would like this or that, how he’d bring back a souvenir, or even in the lull between worlds announcing Keith’s future was brighter and bigger than his own - Keith was right there with them. 

So where is he now?  

“Katie…” Matt starts, noting the tears pooling in her eyes. Oh. Oh no. Not Keith, never Keith. “Is he-?”

“No!!” She shouts before the sentence can finish. Something close to fear flashes across her face. Matt notes the quiver in her voice, the uncertainty in her gaze. It isn’t quite the relief it should be, to hear Keith is still alive.

“He’s just… not with us right now, is all.”

The words ease the concerns coiling around just a little. Keith isn’t here right now - but he was with them. He had been, from the start.

Of course.

Matt rakes a hand through his hair. Hunk and Pidge might be smart enough to make explosives, but Lance would never have been rebellious enough to set them off in close proximity. Breaking into a top secret lab to rescue Shiro from quarantine - it sounds intuitive for Keith. Matt doesn’t even need to ask Pidge to fill in most of the gaps at the start.

But there’s still so much left unsaid.

“What happened?” He’s tentative with the question this time round. This is clearly a sensitive subject, for his sister to have avoided it for so long.

Shoulders slump, and Pidge looks smaller than he’s seen her in many years. The urge to lean forwards and draw her into a hug overpowers him. Sinking against the touch, Pidge sniffles. She speaks in a blurred frenzy, like she’s putting the pieces together for the very first time and is alarmed by the outcome.

“I don’t know. I mean, I do know what happened but I never thought too hard on it. But maybe we should’ve seen it coming after Shiro vanished and was presumed dead and I think I’m responsible for it just as much as anyone else but I didn’t know Matt, I-”

“-Woah. Slow down,” rubbing soothing circles into her shoulders, Matt probes gently. “What do you mean _presumed dead?”_

A hiss of air escapes Pidge’s lips. Once a little more composed, she relays the story. Shiro, missing in action. For months. Keith searching everyday, throwing himself headfirst through grief and turmoil to take a mantle he could never accept. Pidge doesn’t grasp the magnitude of the fragile and volatile emotions she’d glimpsed, what Keith must have been experiencing and internalising. Shiro had always been a grounding anchor, the most important weight in his chest. Hearing the account, it seemed nobody really realised that.

All Matt can see between the words is one image. There’s an endless horizon. In the distance, a retreating silhouette of Keith in the desert. He’s eclipsed by shadows that won’t disperse despite the rising sun. When the light touches him, he doesn’t smile.

It’s not Matt’s place to presume, or act like he understands Keith. They weren’t really friends, even if they shared a few fun lunches with Shiro before the launch. But from all this he does know one thing.

Keith’s story is bruised around the edges. It’s tinged in solitude, a poignancy that whispers louder than it ever cries. Deeper in, the wounds are cleaved open again and again and again. The pages are crumpled, torn right out from the spine. It had to have hurt, maybe it still does.

Keith left the team. Though that statement doesn’t mean he ran away. Even from the outside, Matt can tell this is a complicated situation that is easier to simplify into a skewed perception of reality. After all, facing the truth is not always pleasant. Keith left the team, because he had nobody on his side or at least was put in a position that made him feel isolated.

There’s a sharp sadness in the retelling, that confirms it. The way Pidge talks about the events, as if the change is irreversible and permanent. It’s forlorn, in a way he has rarely heard her speak. As if he’s not just out of reach but a stranger so disconnected from her life. Someone driven away by unfortunate circumstances.

It’s curious. Keith has always been a bit of an enigma to Matt. Even now, he’s as elusive as ever. A blazing flame. Blink out the stardust from sleepy eyes, and he’s nothing more than a hazy mirage. 

“This is Keith’s room.”

Matt peers into the room. The lights flick on at their presence. It’s empty, compared to the other rooms he’s seen. He's unsure what it means, but it makes the wall seem much closer to caging everything in.

Red paladin armour hangs by the wall, and it’s more sombre than it should be. This place feels like a memorial chamber, not the bedroom of a friend who is off on another mission and returning home soon. Matt isn’t sure how far this hollow anguish stretches between them all. But it’s clear now, easier to see.

There is a growing rift, and it has eaten its way into this team. Festered and feasted in the fear and frustration that never resolved itself.

It becomes too much to look at. Matt turns to Pidge who is staring at the armour. There’s a quiet yearning in her expression that Matt can’t pinpoint. But it reminds Matt to thank Keith when he can. He’s made an impression on his sister, been someone she could count on. Even if that’s more in the manner of a residual ghost in the peripheral that sometimes bursts into her orbit.

Haunting, that’s what this room is. Terribly haunting. 

Tapping Pidge’s shoulder, Matt gestures down the hallway.

“Wanna show me the rest of the castle? I haven’t seen your room yet.”

* * *

Time runs different in space. Day and night are not divided by the sun and moon, it’s harder to keep track of the hours and it’s frightening how fast you lose them.

Behind slow blinks, in room bathed in starlight, the recent events carousel in and out of focus. The paladins are sleeping, a blanket of stillness settling over the castle.

This could be the garrison, Matt almost lets himself imagine a familiar place. Only, the starry sky outside is bottomless. There are colossal threats looming, a war raging on too big to comprehend without getting overwhelmed.

Raw and untamed in solitude, memories have begun to flay. They’re warmer, now he’s swallowing fire with each breath and spitting ash.

Parts of the day return gentle, flames that lick at wounds and cauterise them with a sharp sting that doesn’t last. Because beneath that are tearful smiles and wet laughs, joy in its most unrefined naked form. But other parts are clouded in smoke that smothers, presses down far too forceful against lungs. It’s these parts Matt churns over carefully.

It was less of a reunion with Shiro, more of a first meeting. A replicated kindness, meticulously and subconsciously crafted responses. Maybe that’s because they’ve both been moulded by the resilience to survive in a climate so intent to kill them, or maybe it’s because of something that slips out between fingers just as you’re squeezing tight. An intangible thing that could well be shrugged off as needless paranoia.

But now the adrenaline has subsided, the shock has ebbed away and left him a little more perceptive, Matt cannot shake the feeling that those eyes were looking at him for perhaps the first time. Familiar, yet distant in a way that Shiro never had been.

They’re a different kind of grey, silver hardened to steel.

Pilot Error. Presumed dead. The shadows are unkind and relentless in space. Trauma festers in the silence and sinks in its teeth. The marks change you, but that doesn’t mean they shape you. Matt has persevered, made something of a terrible situation and done his best. Nothing about their journeys have been easy, or without suffering. And that is enough to dispel the unsettled doubt twisting in his gut. To say Shiro has not done the same is not only unreasonable but disrespectful to the incredible person he is.

Then there’s all this business with Keith…

A knock on the door startles him from his thoughts. It swings open, revealing the silhouette of Pidge. She’s still wearing his glasses, and the reflection bouncing off them doesn’t hide the moisture in her eyes as well as she must think it does. For a moment, they’re caught in a hushed reverie. _You’re really here, you’re here._ Pidge hitches a breath, clutching the frame of the door.

Sitting up on the bed, Matt musters his best most casual smile. Nothing about this is casual of course, but the duties of an older brother are sacred and should not be taken lightly. They’re up past curfew, on the roof of their family home, speaking in code.  

“Since when do you knock, Pidgey?” The smile comes easier now. Matt raises an eyebrow in mild amusement. “Taking etiquette classes from the Princess?”

“I can knock,” she counters, looking affronted. The pause speaks for itself. With a sigh, Pidge amends her statement. “Sometimes. Okay fine! Less than often but, sometimes - where did you steal your lame sense of humour from?”

The words are a fraction timid. She’s tiptoeing around their conversation, which is strange. Still, Matt persists for a sense of normalcy, not allowing himself to appear too overwhelmed by it all.

“Only original material here, and I’ve got plenty more of it.”

“Whoopee.”

The sarcasm isn’t biting, flat enough to fall softer and more understated.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t miss it,” Matt teases, and it touches on something lingering in the darkness eclipsing the doorway. It claws at his chest, splintering a piece of his composure. On the cusp of sleep, the veil of vulnerability is thinner. There are things lingering that seemed out of place to mention in the enthusiastic tour.

_I missed you, I missed you so much I thought about you every day and this is the happiest I’ve felt in a long time-_

Pidge doesn’t answer, not with words. Shutting the door with a slam, she dives toward the bed. The force of them colliding almost knocks Matt off the bed. Pidge makes no attempt at hiding how desperate she is to be close to him, or ashamed of it. Matt slings an arm around her, fond and fierce. His little sister, the paladin of the green lion. In the face of a wicked universe, Pidge didn’t adapt. She held her ground and fought her way to the stars, chasing through galaxies to find him whilst becoming a legendary defender. Formidable in both the mind and the strength of her heart.

It’s so awesome, he’s never going to stop being proud of her.

Shoulder to shoulder, Matt nudges her. He’s been mulling it over, and it could just be the proverbial glue desperately needed.

“Do you wanna borrow this?” he drops a small device into her palm.

What it is needs no explanation. His sister is the smartest person he knows. Pidge is already scrutinising it, piecing the information together to get her answer. Her eyes flick up to his, wide in their curiosity. Matt catches the hint of confusion etched into her expression. So his intentions have not yet been figured out. In other circumstances, he might be tempted to tease her. At home on earth, around the dinner table, he would’ve stretched this moment out until she flicked the first pea from her fork at his head.

“I thought maybe you could use it to call him,” Matt prompts, not missing the way she tenses beside him. “We don’t work with the blade of marmora much, they’re on the downlow big time, I didn’t think they were more than just a rumour until a few months ago. But Olia has been in contact with Kolivan before. It would be easy to patch you through.”

“There’s no point,” Pidge says in a tone far too dejected to accept. She pushes the device on to the bed, looping her fingers together in her lap. “He’s on an important mission. We could jeopardise their work by contacting him.”

“Yeah… that would definitely happen if you weren’t The Incredible Holt. Do the Galra know, _we have a Holt?”_

Biting down on a smile, Pidge elbows him in the ribs. That’s a good sign, something he can work with. She’s a little more receptive to the idea.

“Two,” Pidge corrects. “Two Holts.”

“And you know what Mum says,” an ache in his chest crawls up to his tug his lips. She'd be pleased, they're together again. “Two Holts are not better than one-”  

“-But double the trouble, and twice as right.”

Eyes meeting, neither hesitate. Mirth crackles beneath his skin, splashing through his veins. Like soapy water in the kitchen flicked his way, when Pidge begrudgingly took the task of washing the dishes whilst he got the better job of drying them. Arms stretching out, Matt karate chops the air. Pidge points a finger forward with the enthusiasm that would do justice to any ABBA song. Laughter peals through their joint refrain.

“Team Holt will always win the fight!”   

It was never part of the original, but it had become an official addition to their mother’s childhood rhyme. She didn’t want to encourage them to fight, unless it was a games night and everyone wanted to win with their all.

“So what do you say, Pidge?”

Reaching for the communication device, Matt waves it in the air. With renewed interest, dismay crushed by determination, Pidge snatches it from his hand. Between exchanged grins that mellow out into private smiles, they get to work.

* * *

It takes a few hours, but they do it. The finished product sits in front of them. Matt would do the honours, but he can’t ignore the symbolism of letting Pidge reach out and call Keith. They need this.

The screen crackles to life, the static dissipating to reveal none other than Keith. He’s taller, the roundness of his cheeks lessened in the years that have passed. He sports a well defined jaw and carved cheekbones. Wide eyes stare back at them, large and ethereal as ever. His hair is longer, messy and dishevelled. There’s always been something other-worldly about Keith. Alien, almost. Matt had never expected that to translate to something so literal. Part-Galra secret agent. 

The fierce unyielding fire in his veins can be felt even across the screen. It has distinctively changed in shape. The flames burn with just as much heat as before, but they’re smothered by his own firm hands. It’s a conscious choice, to repress and to suffocate in the heat - alone. There’s no smoke, so Keith must be choking on the fumes.

“Pidge…” Keith manages.

In his blatant surprise, he forgoes a greeting. The voice is deeper, and it makes the rasp even more prominent. There’s a tension, as if Keith clenching his teeth between every word. And the low hushed way he speaks, isn’t explosive or streaked in unstable chaos. It’s the shreds of something so weathered and worn. A shell that cannot be filled with the passion that Matt knows resides in Keith.

It’s uncomfortable to hear so explicitly.

Matt remains out of view, gaze darting between his sister and the confused expression Keith wears. He’s trailed off, simply staring. Despite the mask down, he looks guarded. There’s a curiosity gleaming in his eyes, hopeful of all things.

Oh.

Pidge’s attempts at normalcy are awkward. But she fumbles her way through a greeting. Keith’s lips are pursed tight as he listens.

“Hi Keith. I hope I’m not bothering you in the middle of a mission or anything.”

“Uh, no that’s - I’m actually…” eyes scanning his surroundings, Keith clears his throat. The screen doesn’t show much, but it looks like he’s in private quarters. “It’s fine. Is everything okay?”

Pidge grins, unable to contain the excitement that bubbles to the surface. Wiggling her eyebrows, she glances off screen.

“I wanted to show you something I found, or should I say… _someone.”_

At the words, Keith gasps. Almost as sharp as Pidge, he quickly pieces it together. Matt takes that as his cue to make an entrance. He pokes his head into the screen, hovering beside Pidge. A small smile cascades over Keith’s lips. It’s the brightest he’s looked since the call began.

“Is that-? Woah. This is… huge! Ha! It’s really- how did you-? Pidge. I can’t believe you did it!”

He leans forward into the screen, a disbelieving laugh escaping his lips. Matt waves, heart warming at the fondness in Keith’s expression. He looks proud of Pidge, as much as Matt is.

“Hey, Keith. Long time no see.”

“Matt…wow. It’s really good to see you.” Keith is so sincere in the words, eyes crinkling. It almost is enough to drain the heaviness out of him.

“Told you I’d find him,” Pidge teases, tongue poking out.

The gesture is unexpected, a little too familiar in the giddy atmosphere. It throws Keith’s expression off balance. Beside him, Pidge stills. Matt wonders if he’s intruded on something here, missing some context.

With a sigh, Keith averts his gaze.

“I’m sorry,” he says eventually. “What I said…”

Matt raises an eyebrow, unable to get a single clue from the pair of them.

“You were right. And honestly? I’m not sure this would’ve been possible without that reminder. I get it. And you know, I actually think Matt would’ve told me the same thing.” Looking over to Matt, Pidge smiles. “Help those who need saving. But don’t stop searching.”

For the first time, when Matt skates his attention to Keith, their eyes meet, Keith hitches a breath, as if expecting a reprimand. But sound and logical advice isn’t something Matt can scold. Even if it can’t have been easy to hear. Losing people narrows focus, sometimes in a dangerous and destructive way. Keith had probably been speaking from experience. And in the darkest hour, Matt resolved himself to the very same goal.

The Holts were never the kind to turn their back on others. He’s glad that Pidge had someone to keep her on her toes, nudge her back on course. She’s ridiculously smart, but can be irrational in anger. Challenging that with nothing but the best of intentions is the true mark of a solid friend who has your back.

Keith seems unsure what on earth to do with her words. He shuffles, clearing his throat. Arms folded, he speaks to the floor.

“It was nothing. This… this was all you, Pidge. You made this happen. You never backed down or gave up. I’m glad you found each other again.”

At the words, Pidge smiles wider. Her eyes are suspiciously wet. Oh. Matt recognises that look.

Pidge really admires Keith, adores him. And Keith has absolutely no idea that’s the case. What a hopeless mess.

“Don’t go getting any ideas, Keith.”

Matt places a hand on his hip, poking a finger toward the screen. He’s good at this, diffusing the tension. The silence has stretched on for too long and needs breaking.

“The position of unspeakably wise and awesome older _extremely cool_ brother is already taken.”

Keith’s eyes somehow grow even wider, practically popping out his skull. He leans back, a light flush on his face.

“Unspeakably wise?” Pidge drawls, but there's something shy in her expression. She’s avoiding the subject. Amusement creeps into her words. “Cool? Awesome?”

Ruffling her hair, Matt smirks.

“Don’t embarrass me in front of Keith, Squirtle.”

“Squirtle?” Keith asks, bewildered.

“I sometimes call little Pidgey here Pokemon names.”

Nudging him in the ribs, Pidge huffs. She acts like it’s annoying, but Matt knows better. It’s only annoying when he uses Pokemon she doesn’t like.

“Wait - Keith, you know Pokemon?”

Keith shrugs, looking the most relaxed Matt has seen him. It lets the exhaustion seep through, all the things he’s been barricading behind a default poker face have started to become more noticeable. Like the twitching of his fingers, the nervous rub of his thumb against his hands, the hard slow blinks and lines beneath his eyes.  

“A little I guess. I liked Digimon better though,” Keith admits as if he hasn’t just committed a heinous crime against the entire generations of the Holt family and their Pokemon master legacy.

“What- no! How could you say that?!” Pidge shouts. “I don’t-“

“-Okay so maybe they’re both good and let’s just leave it there before you wake up the entire castle!!” Matt interjects. He has a feeling Keith is about to indulge Pidge in a petty dual over this trivial matter, and he is not quite ready to experience that.

The three of them dissolve into hushed amusement. The kind of absurd hilarity that is only amplified at night. Keith’s laugh is more a vague impression, than a tangible real thing. It sets an ache in Matt’s bones. Even now, Keith is holding pieces of himself back, unsure if it’s okay to let them out.

“Thanks for calling,” Keith glances over his shoulder. Shame tinges his expression, sinking into places it doesn’t belong.  “I should probably go. Early start.”

“Okay.” Pidge sounds bitterly disappointed, and Matt finds himself taking the first step on her behalf. She can than him later. Between the three of them, he has the best social skills.

“This was really nice, Keith. Thanks for looking out for my little sister while I wasn’t around, I’m glad she’s got a friend like you. Make sure you call us back soon and tell us how you’re doing, she really misses you around here. There’s a shrine in your room with your armour and everything.”

“ _Matt!”_

Pidge ducks her head, glaring in his direction beneath her hair. Keith startles at that information, and the hopeful gleam is back again.

“I…”

 _Come on, Keith._ Matt levels him with a look, hoping the pat to Pidge’s head will convey what he’s trying to say. Biting down on his lip, Keith chews over his next words. It seems he’s intent to make them count in light of Matt’s oversharing.

“Yeah. Me too.”

Pidge bolts upright, unable to hide her surprise. She gapes at him, rendered speechless. That is honestly quite an accomplishment. But Matt isn’t able to gloat right now. He’s finding it difficult to find the right words too.

“Well you can call this line anytime. It’s completely secure,” he manages. “Me or Pidge will be on the other side. If you’re lucky, then you’ll get both of us.”

“Heh, sounds good.” Keith’s lips twitch, dancing around the echoes of a smile.

With that, they bid their farewells. As the screen fades to black, Pidge leans against Matt’s shoulder. Relief is unfurling beneath her skin.

“You're the best," she murmurs into his side. Within moments, Pidge is asleep.

Matt shuts the equipment down, tucking Pidge into the bed. He perches on the edge, setting her glasses down on the desk.

This is the start of bigger trials and harder fights. But the bonds of love will guide them through. Felt between light years and strengthened each passing day.

Somewhere across the stars, he thinks of Keith and his trials. He wishes for the troubled paladin to rest easy for the night. If there was a way to wipe away the sadness, Matt would will for the universe to allow that respite.

But most of all, he hopes that the love of a concerned friend and her older brother will reach him across the stars, and embrace him with all the tender kindness he deserves.

And maybe one day, Keith will return believing there could be a home here for his heart. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm taking keith gen prompts on [ tumblr ](http://kcgane.tumblr.com) , so feel free to request something!


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